The Introvert Life of Me

What is your image of the introvert life? Do you picture an unkept hermit hiding in the mountains somewhere? Perhaps you remember that weird, silent relative that avoids family reunions? I’ve tried not to be either of those, but the temptation is very real for me. The problem is that I birthed twelve children. It worked being an introvert as long as I was in charge. That meant that I gave commands to the group, which is like talking to one person at a time. I also had more intellectual conversations with one child at a time. I felt fulfilled as an introvert. Recently that has changed. Half my children are married now. Several people in our clan feel a desperate need to have continuous all-weekend parties when members come in from out of state. I can handle one day of this. Then I go into a state of anxiety. There are no good opportunities for serious and fulfilling conversations at these crowded parties. The following outline is how this works for me.

Small talk in My Introvert Life is:

1. ridiculous feeling.
2. neither emotionally nor intellectually stimulating.
3. an inefficient use of limited social energy.
4. a thing I despise because it creates barriers between people.

In My Reserved Life at group events:

1. I seek one or two people to talk to.
2. I dive into deep topics even if it’s with a stranger.
3. I attempt to enter conversations with larger groups but usually fail.
4. When I enter conversations with larger groups, my input is serious even when they joke.
5. When it’s a large group of my family, I frequently fail at conversation input because they carelessly disrespect my input. They say I just take it wrong, but people outside my clan don’t say things like that to me.

Although I’m an Introvert, I like Public Speaking and Authoring:

1. It is like reaching one person at a time.
2. I have their focused attention.
3. They respond to me afterward, one person at a time.
4. It feels safe.

Life is best for me in meaningful conversation:

1. It counts.
2. I like delving deep into topics and exploring ideas on a meaningful level.
3. It breaks the barrier between people.
4. I learn new things about people, and therefore relationships with them grow satisfyingly.
5. I am truly interested in understanding people’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

Living the life of an introvert, I realize that I need to recognize my strengths and weaknesses. I need to limit large social gatherings that don’t give opportunities for meaningful interaction. I need to let people in my life know my needs. It’s time for me to make appointments with individuals for personal interaction and meaningful relationships one-on-one. I’m done pretending to fit unaccommodating situations.